The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

03:43 Mar 29 2008
Times Read: 854

God why does it have to be so hard?



I got onto an immigration consultant today. The problem they've identified is that I'm not specialised enough to enter via employment. I have no family there (well not close enough, grandfather's family is US) so I can't come in via family. I'm not rich enough to qualify by investing.



JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY CAN'T IT JUST WORK FOR ONCE!!!

11:48 Mar 28 2008
Times Read: 855

I lost a couple of journal entries, and my premium file storage, but otherwise I think I escaped relatively unscathed. I'll redo my portfolio at some stage soon and reupload all the files stored. *sighs* big job...

01:29 Mar 23 2008
Times Read: 867

Over the past couple of days I've had the fortune to discover who really loves me. To those of you who have held my hand and been my shoulder, you have my eternal thanks and love in return.

21:02 Mar 21 2008
Times Read: 876

I am seriously considering going on an online hiatus for a while. I'm not enjoying my online time any more. I've been bored, and only going through the motions. Events of the last couple of days have only reinforced this and added that extra level of pain to everything I do online. I'm no longer willing to sit and wait for someone to come on, when I know that even if they do, it won't be for me.



*sighs*



So yeah. I'll post if I go through with the decision.

09:12 Mar 21 2008
Times Read: 878

infernalmage2000: :) dream big

infernalmage2000: and do little things every day to bring that dream

15:24 Mar 20 2008
Times Read: 892

I fucking hate you, life. You keep fucking me around again and again. I keep getting up and you keep knocking me back down again. I fucking HATE YOU!!! I've had it. I'm not trying any more. I'm not interested. It's not fair. She's gone, and I'm done. Are you happy now? You've broken me.

14:38 Mar 20 2008
Times Read: 898

Online relationships never work.

There are some conversations you're just not meant to have.
11:50 Mar 20 2008
Times Read: 899

Death Before Dishonor - Dying Inside





I'm out of answers I can't explain this shit

What did I do to deserve this mess

Turmoil finds a way to plague my days

There's no way out of this fucked up place

I look ahead - maybe I'm just blind

Looking back - it fucks up my mind

My dreams are shattered

No words can describe

The way I feel

The thoughts I hide

I went to far too far this time

Why can't I find

What is my fate I pay no mind

It's a fucking lie nothing but a lie

Can't see beyond - beyond my eyes

This is too much I'm dying inside

23:09 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 904

I am you and you are me.

21:37 Mar 18 2008
Times Read: 912

I said yes.













*shivers in anticipation*

11:26 Mar 17 2008
Times Read: 916

A while ago now I was made an offer. Nothing ever came of it.



Well it's been made again now. I need to decide whether I want to take it up or not.



I require your trust

I require your obedience

I will earn your love



Do I dare??

The loneliness of the long distance interneter.
09:54 Mar 16 2008
Times Read: 917


Garfield Minus Garfield.



This is one of those sites where the cartoons are funny at first... but after a while the message behind them gets to you.







...After a while it really starts driving the futility of it all in...







...Until you wonder why it is you keep trying and trying and trying and never making a difference, never achieving that recognition, never meeting the one, never making anything of this pathetic facade of a life you're stuck with, day in and day out until you're dead and no use to anyone...







*sighs*

Throw your Discordian Hexagram...
23:40 Mar 13 2008
Times Read: 919










24. Saint Bobo



There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the muzzle, yet upright in his full five feet, and poised with natural majesty. He carried a scroll and walked to the young men.



"Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering’s Moon go about in reverse orbit? Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chests; do you give milk? And what, pray tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg’s Law?" He paused. "SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!"



And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin-yang with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he exploded and the two lost consciousness.







This hexagram is the turning point, the transformation of old into new, just as Saint Bobo's appearance transformed Omar and Mal's mind from demented, drooling cabbages into the finely tuned instruments they were upon the writing of the Principia. Of course, transformation can go the opposite way too...

14:06 Mar 13 2008
Times Read: 920

it's my birfdy.

i's old.

*rubs head* internets are bad.

that is all.

oh and, thank you lily my love for being the first to say it when the clock hit 12am. i love you =)

19:53 Mar 11 2008
Times Read: 925

Last night I had a weird dream that I was in some sort of supernatural carnival... there were all sorts of monsters and whatnot... there was a murder at one and we were hunting the murderer down. I had a close group of friends, we were all weird in our own ways. One of them was Jeff Goldblum! Lmao... yeah don't know where that one came from. The last night of the carnival was a parade through the streets in all our weird finery but Jeff and I didn't go ;) hehe



I need to lay off the heavy stuff before I go to bed, lol.

...with a little riesling in hand...
14:15 Mar 07 2008
Times Read: 928

Oh my lord what have I done? The first offer I've had in months, if not years, and I go and turn it down... *whimpers*



And I've been drinking, and that's never good. And I've been reading stuff, and that's never good. And I've been flirting and chatting, and that's never good either. And now I'm all squirming and wanting and needing and I go and turn it down... gah!



(damn you insecurities and self-loathings)

What NOT to do
09:19 Mar 06 2008
Times Read: 937

>.>



DON'T compare me to other people, I'm not them.



DON'T assume that just because I'm a girl, I'm sweet and pliable and innocent and kind. I can be that, but don't assume I will be.



DON'T belittle me in any way shape or form or by god you will feel the sharp side of my tongue.



DON'T dismiss me out of hand just because I don't look like I amount to much. I've worked damn hard to get where I am today. I've done it all by myself. I've had no one else to rely on, no rich family, no husband, no doting parents, no support network. Don't you dare put what I've achieved down.



DON'T reject me just because I'm not as attractive as the next girl, because I'm not as pretty, or as thin, or as witty. I'm just as much of a person as they are, and when you reject me based on appearances alone it hurts just as much if not more.



DON'T PUT ME DOWN.



DON'T IGNORE ME.



DON'T CRUSH MY HOPES AND DREAMS.



Don't make me cry...

20:48 Mar 05 2008
Times Read: 942

And the countdown begins...

Big Momma
21:17 Mar 02 2008
Times Read: 946

I had a nightmare last night that I weighed 120 kilos. That's 264 pounds, for you imperialists.



It freaked me right out. I know it's because I was watching The Biggest Loser on TV last night with mum. While eating pizza >.>



It may not seem like a huge weight but bearing in mind I'm only 161cm tall (5'3). Right now, I weigh a shameful 105 kilos (bit over 200 pounds). Which is not quite the heaviest I've ever been, unfortunately.



So as of today I am doing something about it. I have a gym membership which I never use. I'm going to cancel it (it's a waste of money and I don't like it) and I'm joining a tribal bellydancing class. Hey, I have a belly, and I can dance! Best of both worlds =P I'd like to do yoga too but I just have to find one that is on at night time. I also want to find a martial arts class too. Many moons ago I used to do Shotokan Karate, and I'd like to get back into that. I got up to a green belt in it before I had to leave... long story behind that one. So I want to find another one. Maybe Aikido or something. I've heard that's quite good. Again, needs to be at night time. Oh, to be a lady of leisure =P



So anyways. I'm off to work now. Woot >.> lol